A Nightmare to Remember.

Long time no see! how have you been? what's new? How's life? Ever bump into conversations like this? 

where you just don't know what to say because you really don't know what is going on in your life and why is it going on?

why is it so damn hard to answer questions related to your life when you yourself don't know what exactly are you making out of this eternal drama? if you ask me I brood over so many things all at a time. it's like a pandora's box of thoughts except for those ugly demons that tags along.

Recently I've been waking up each day with different feelings, some days I am in my Zen mode where hardly anything gets on my nerves and some days are just so chaotic where I don't even know why am I being so cranky and the next second I cry and Curse and pacify myself over nothing (Now I just blame it on my hormones ft. monthly uterus drama of women).

Now when I think about hasn't been it always about chemicals Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin, Cortisol and what not. Human Life revolves around this chemicals no? scientific explanation for every conundrum of the body, feels like the whole world is chemistry lab where we are all carrying out experiment and being tested later on for sheer time pass. 

I mean if one day we really are going to die then why make so much fuss about life? My friends say it's too early to talk or think like a monk for me , they say maybe books have messed up my mind, or some one must have gotten into me to talk like that, they try to give me a reality check but I tell them to hold on because I am the one who's trying to check Reality over here very diligently. 

Enough of the bandwagon and cluelessly hopping over achieving milestones, fame, and money. I don't want them, eventually I am gonna die one day and I fear I could not really use those extra bucks in heaven so what's the point? but I really am curious what's more to life than just waking up alive and sleeping dead in a endless loop. what if one day we realize that it's all noting but just a bad dream, wake up in another universe maybe complain about the government or global warming or aliens attacking or the star wars.

There's so much on our plate already. I often oscillate between where to pay my precious attention? to my health or my relationships or healing the childhood trauma or my future where I have no idea about my expiry date or to the present moment where I've just picked a bone with some random guy on twitter? 

Have you ever taken that moment in your life where you've been questioning the very existence of the earth? Why, When, How etc. trying to find out answers but suddenly you remember you have this stupid geography test coming up so you need to mug up the obvious stated facts about neighboring countries, which now links you to the cold wars going on there, the poor people and their suffering, the rage, the hunger, those morons who initiated the war over their fragile ego's, the helplessness that you can't put sense into their heads because they're deaf enough to listen that little voice in your brain, then the sudden realization of gratitude that at least you have a roof above your head without infused bombs. why am I talking Nonsense all of a sudden. wait, isn't life is nothing but a nonsense too? because there's no sense in anything no matter how hard you to search.

did you feel pangs of emotions within a just a minute or so? the anxiety, empathy, sympathy, anger, envy, gratitude all of it and then nothing.

Try to read between the lines and comprehend and you're patient enough you'll come to know that very one minute a while ago of roller-coaster ride depicts our whole life, isn't it? 

We as a foolish humans, possessed by our dearest latest gadgets, waking up and sleeping at the mercy of some hormones, we are so petty creatures that we could die of a tiny virus any minute by now. so I stand by my original question why so much fuss about life?

Can't you see it. It was here and then it's gone. Life is nothing but an illusion of eternal ephemeral moment. it'll be gone before you know it. 

I am no expert here, I am not even sure whatever I have written makes sense or not. and honestly I am not willing to put any sense out there. Just sharing my piece of mind. who knows who might need to hear it?

Actually this ain't me sober speaking, I've just woken up from a nightmare where my eyes are wet but I have a smile on my face because I am still here. alive. That was just enough reason to wake me up or else I would be sleeping dead and this blog wouldn't have existed. And I am sure this world would have done just as fine without me in it.

So no matter if you got rejected, no matter if you have failed, no matter you are in a toxic phase right now. No matter wherever you are or whatever you have or don't have. nothing matters.

I guess we should start seeing it as a blessing that NOTHING MATTERS. but you do because you exist and also the other way around. 

I won't assure the false hope that whatever is bugging you in life will get better or so but I am dead sure it'll be over pretty soon. and you'll be fine anyway. so maybe hang in there, or move out. fight, flight or freeze do what you can. it's just a roller-coaster for a minute so rather enjoy your ride no matter how ugly it looks. it's worth a shot. and about those random feelings ? then let me break it to you they are gonna keep changing every now and then, all days will feel different and there won't be happily ever after at all but let your hormones do the job they will take care you don't miss out on any emotion in your body so you better be do not miss out on life worrying.

Dance, sing, live and express it all before it ends.

Thanks for tolerating my jibber jabber of the day :)