Why I stopped Blogging ? Am I Quitting ?

had plethora of ideas in mind but noticed this trend that whenever I started weaving them in sentences somehow did not liked the entire idea and I used to backspace it all and stare at the blank screen for hours questioning WHY DID I DO THAT?

Felt like I lost my confidence in writing, felt like I will never ever write a blog again. Thus, deleted some of the them out of frustration. (yeah, repenting silently in the corner now)

But then I started writing long captions wherever possible, did some long random confessions on snap stories, tried tweeting some of my ideas in limited words, used to journal, started texting long paragraphs to people where I could have just simply put an emoji and end the conversation but the writer in me wanted to quest why am I unable to write just blogs? why it felt like a huge burden to press "PUBLISH" after writing my heart out even though knowing that I am good at conveying my thoughts through writing, I just couldn't do it.

*no answers  found after questing*

then eventually I gave up.

started a new hobby called READING!

I binge read a lot, used sleep with books, wake up with them, eat with them and literally (and figuratively) Live with them.

I found a new world in each book, it gave me new perspectives, new ideas, new questions, new insights it's whole together a different me with different books. The little knowledge I received through reading various genres was screaming for getting noticed. I then had an opinion on everything under the sun, could go on a rant on anything for hours.  I did so with some strangers and friends, debated a lot (they are now fed up of me and that's another story for another day though.

coming back to the original question why I stopped blogging?

well had it ever happened with you that the thing you are most excited about, you believe you are good at it and someone just shows up out of nowhere and started pinpointing your flaws in it, made you feel like you are doing it all wrong, telling you that others are way better than you? berating you? making you feel like you are a good for nothing being and could never do anything perfectly? 

I don't know about yours but in my case that person was none other than my very own Self ! 

I used to re-read and re-edit my blogs after publishing, I used to worry about the vocabulary and grammar usages(I still do). I used to worry about what if xyz person might get offended by what I had written. I used to fret over the views, I used to track my progress and if it went downhill then again berating my own self.

it was too much to deal with and I guess that's why I lost my interest in writing.

I mean I was just chasing perfection, little did I know back then that is doesn't exist.

Reading books indeed helped me mend fences with myself, I accepted that I am allowed to be flawed, it is okay if someone doesn't like what I do. No matter how best I try there will be at least one person who won't like what I write. and it is okay.

I learnt it the hard way that I should not expecting others validation for what I do/ write.

my Viewers might like, might hate, might ignore but I should keep on writing anyway.

here's the honest thing:

Now, I love to put my ideas into words irrespective of someone reading it or not, though I am not perfect at what I do, but I do love it and that's what counts. I no longer chasing perfection but I am improving whatever I can. I like it when people relate and respond positively and that's the ultimate thing that matters for me. i know after publishing this blog too some people are going to be really happy that i resumed writing( their names are popping up in my head and I could see their smiling faces right now).

key Learning : In life as well ,before people, you need to validate your work first, you need to feel good about it, you need to enjoy it. and that's it.

I am going to be just raw this time, if there is any feedback feel free to write in the comment section.

thankyou for reading :)

now, go be Great.

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